Recent Tweets from Duke Awesome (paulbunyansdick)

paulbunyansdick: I dream of being as cool as my dad. That's right I want to go to sleep with a full bottle of Busch Beer in my hand and cheese on my fingers.Fri, 01 Jun 2012 21:02:22

paulbunyansdick: I'm helping my sister cook dinner. Turns out the main ingredient for macaroni and cheese and hotdogs is cigarette ashes.Fri, 01 Jun 2012 20:54:48

paulbunyansdick: @PsychoChimp @Dystopia1984 I have reason to live it's called my Indianna Jones DVD box set.Fri, 01 Jun 2012 20:44:12

paulbunyansdick: @Dystopia1984: @PsychoChimp No one wants a twitter riot. Nothing but puns, hamburgers, flamethrowers, well tuned puns.Fri, 01 Jun 2012 20:13:49

paulbunyansdick: @Dystopia1984 hold strong. Just a few more days, and I'll be back. Don't waste a good sabretooth fang.Fri, 01 Jun 2012 19:37:48

paulbunyansdick: Some would call it love making music others would venture to call it shittin’ music. I say why not both.Fri, 01 Jun 2012 16:05:19

paulbunyansdick: When my mom goes outside to feed her dogs Slayer's 'Criminally Insane' can always be heard playing off in the distance.Fri, 01 Jun 2012 16:02:28

paulbunyansdick: I've spent over half my vacation just reenacting scenes from Highlander just so I can easily adjust to going back to work next week.Fri, 01 Jun 2012 15:47:33

paulbunyansdick: Dad just told he was the dominant male in the house. He then chugged a beer and grew an extra inch of chest hair. I can't compete with that.Fri, 01 Jun 2012 15:42:53

paulbunyansdick: @PsychoChimp I'm always happy to help out a chimp in need.Fri, 01 Jun 2012 15:35:04

paulbunyansdick: I walked into Subway with a shotgun yelling about how it's avocado season. People freaked out and called the cops. Practice what you preach.Fri, 01 Jun 2012 14:54:41

paulbunyansdick: My 7 year old little brother keeps singing Alvin and the Chipmunks songs. I don't want to crush his throat, but I may have to.Tue, 29 May 2012 18:08:54

paulbunyansdick: I'm not sure if my family knows that having a live possum living in their upstairs bathroom is a health hazard or not.Tue, 29 May 2012 18:06:42

paulbunyansdick: My concern with staying with my family during vacation is the amount of live spiders they keep around to guard their stock of mayonnaise.Tue, 29 May 2012 17:47:27

paulbunyansdick: Mom has decided that it's important to try and cut my hair. Woke up this morning with a bald chest and clean taint. I'm terrified to sleep.Tue, 29 May 2012 17:41:15

paulbunyansdick: It's always important to make sure your trucker hat matches your hate for all races and sexual orientations. My hat has a unicorn on it.Tue, 29 May 2012 17:39:44

paulbunyansdick: Still not sure why my parent's put on Exodus' 'Cajun Hell' when they go into their bedroom together. Some mysteries are better left unsolvedMon, 28 May 2012 20:05:17

paulbunyansdick: I'm living proof that nothing sexy ever happens in Kansas.Mon, 28 May 2012 20:02:51

paulbunyansdick: I don't mind listening to my grandparents talk. As long as it's about someone other than this magician they known as White Jesus.Mon, 28 May 2012 19:53:27

paulbunyansdick: No one is working in my family's house today. Really reminds me of ages 5-17.Mon, 28 May 2012 14:55:38

paulbunyansdick: I've ran into some pretty serious problems in my life, but no one really cares about my typos.Mon, 28 May 2012 03:03:50

paulbunyansdick: My ability to look completely stunned and aroused as fireworks are shot directly towards me is just on of my many talents.Mon, 28 May 2012 02:58:11

paulbunyansdick: My dad noticed that we were all out of Busch Light. They don't sell beer on Sundays in Kansas. Looks like my mom's life is now forfeit.Sun, 27 May 2012 19:49:18