Recent Tweets from Emily Volman (emilyvolman)

emilyvolman: I taught my dogs to chant “De-fense!” during our marital discussions. It’s very motivating.Tue, 05 Jun 2012 02:43:10

emilyvolman: @TheThomason I’ll ALWAYS hold your golden hair back for those.Tue, 05 Jun 2012 02:08:48

emilyvolman: @TheThomason Stop quoting me!!Tue, 05 Jun 2012 02:03:34

emilyvolman: Every time I hear the Spiderman trailer say “You found my weakness! It’s small knives!”, I think, “I could eat ice cream right now.”Tue, 05 Jun 2012 02:01:42

emilyvolman: @FatherWizard he didn’t say meat curtain because that’s still hanging in our Japanese pantry.Tue, 05 Jun 2012 01:56:28

emilyvolman: I have been informed by my husband that the bag o’ hair is his. It goes with his meat cape. #reallyTue, 05 Jun 2012 01:47:57

emilyvolman: Okaaaaay…who left the Ziploc bag of hair at the end of my garage stairwell?? http://t.co/829JKHdzTue, 05 Jun 2012 01:33:09

emilyvolman: I think I speak for all your followers when I say you’re not tweeting enough nude pictures of yourself.Tue, 05 Jun 2012 01:08:03

emilyvolman: I may have had too much to drink tonight, so I may be DMing inappropriate questions.Tue, 05 Jun 2012 01:01:12

emilyvolman: Tonight I called a sheriff’s dept in TX & explained a potentially dangerous sitch in my neighborhood…in TN. They did not respond. #oopsiesTue, 05 Jun 2012 00:12:17

emilyvolman: @introvertedwife I will now be singing that theme song all night.Mon, 04 Jun 2012 21:10:26

emilyvolman: The intent of my last tweet was to make me sound annoyingly rich. I hope it worked!! Now I have to go pick up dog poop.Mon, 04 Jun 2012 21:07:58

emilyvolman: A piano tuner is working* on our baby grand. *giving me a headacheMon, 04 Jun 2012 20:59:58

emilyvolman: @samiswrong I’m hoping it’ll be hip hearing aids, personally.Mon, 04 Jun 2012 20:48:35

emilyvolman: @FatherWizard @markvolman and I would like to wish you the HAPPIEST of birthdays!!!!Mon, 04 Jun 2012 19:54:17

emilyvolman: Apparently, when telling a young person they have their entire life ahead of them, it’s inappropriate to add that “entire” could mean 22yrs.Mon, 04 Jun 2012 17:23:12

emilyvolman: I’ll know I finally want to have a baby when I don’t sprint to the remote to change the channel when “A Baby Story” comes on, right?Mon, 04 Jun 2012 17:08:15

emilyvolman: @charlotteector #dadjokesSun, 03 Jun 2012 22:56:46

emilyvolman: The guy sitting across from me is reading a library book. How can homeless people afford to fly???Sun, 03 Jun 2012 20:56:53

emilyvolman: I only fly Southwest to keep Judy Tenuta’s comedy alive.Sun, 03 Jun 2012 20:41:43

emilyvolman: For 20 min, the 7ish yr old girl next to me has been screaming “I hate you!” at her mom because she won’t buy her a “huggy bear”. #thefutureSun, 03 Jun 2012 19:29:16

emilyvolman: @HotSaucePhD I knew I should’ve initiated a discussion with her about “saving your insanity for the internet only”!Sun, 03 Jun 2012 18:38:50

emilyvolman: My favorite things at airports are kids on leashes.Sun, 03 Jun 2012 17:50:48

emilyvolman: @mattesonperry In MY day, we’d’ve been too worried someone would call us Monchhichi!Sun, 03 Jun 2012 03:35:25

emilyvolman: Today I saw a teenage girl sucking her thumb as she held hands with her boyfriend & nothing seemed abnormal to either of them. #thefutureSun, 03 Jun 2012 03:26:59

emilyvolman: @Spidey004 Well, in all other cultures but America, “diddle” means “play smooth jazz on a human hair harp”, so…oopsies.Sun, 03 Jun 2012 03:15:10

emilyvolman: RT @dantelfer: @emilyvolman ♪♫♬ Give me a break! GIVE ME A BREAK! Break me off a piece of that DEPRESSING SILENCE! ♪♫♬Sat, 02 Jun 2012 14:20:38